At the conclusion of Week #9, one
more team had to say adios to its playoff chances while 3 others got to
advance. Congratulations to the Creeping Death as they made another
incredible run late in the season to not only clinch a playoff berth, but
win the A Division as well. Congratulations go out to the Pride and the
Dragonfarts as they were the last two teams to join the playoffs. A special
" We're not worthy " goes to the Titans as they accomplished the
unprecedented 9-0 season with 9 Top 6 finishes! After discussing this feat
with fantasy guru, Maze, we determined that this kind of perfect season has
never been done before in UAL fantasy history! Wow! Jeff, you only need to
survive two more weeks to be compared with the 1972 Miami Dolphins, so don't
let the pressure get to your guys!
My sincerest sympathy goes
out to Merv Myers and the Stingrays. Several key factors led his team from
the playoffs right in to the Scrub Bowl.
1. A HAIL MARY PASS TO
HIS OPPONENTS WR ROGERS OF MICHIGAN STATE GAVE
JEFF AND THE
TITANS ENOUGH POINTS TO FINISH WITH THEIR PERFECT RECORD
AND DEFEAT THE
STINGRAYS.
2. THE REDHAWKS!!!!!!
3. KELLY WASHINGTON AND
THE LACK OF INJURY INFORMATION
How do I describe what awful
feeling Merv must have had against the Redhawks and the Tennessee sports
information director? Lets start with #3 on the list. Nothing was reported
that star wide receiver Kelly Washington of Tennessee had not been given
medical clearance from a concussion to play. Merv was trailing the Mighty
Titans by six points going into the Alabama at Tennessee game. The Titans
players were done and the Stingrays had their star receiver still to play.
As Merv was sitting down to watch the game, he saw his prized receiver
standing on the sidelines in street clothes!! This put an end to the
Stingrays attempt to end son Jeff's undefeated and perfect season. All he
could do was sit back and watch the beloved Crimson Tide rip apart Tennessee
and take a zero from this wide receiver. Had he known that Washington was
not going to play, he would have started WR Joppru of Michigan in his place
and received 2 more points. You may be asking yourself, " What the hell can
2 points do for the Stingrays when they lost by 6? ". Let me address the
second problem before I give everybody the answer to this question. The
Redhawks. The number two reason for the Stingrays missing the playoffs will
make almost everybody groan. The Redhawks did not know about the Thursday
game involving North Carolina State, even though I emailed both owners
several hours before kickoff. In Week #7, the Redhawks were forced into
using their backup defense due to an off week for their main defense, the
Miami Hurricanes. It was obvious to the Commish and the Redhawks opponent
for week #8, the Death, that they were going to make a line up change an use
their top defense in this very crucial game in determining playoff fortunes
for several teams. They did NOT! Since the Commish did not hear from either
of the Redhawks owners, Alford and Hawk, I had to use the rule that if I did
not hear from an owner, I had to use players from the week before. This
blind luck of the Redhawks using the NC State defense netted them 31 points!
I even got a reply from Alford on Friday, after the game was played and he
had tallied the 31 points, that he did not know that NC State was playing on
Thursday. He also informed me that he would have played the Miami defense if
he had known! The Miami defense would have gotten the Redhawks 5! Jeff and
his Creeping Death were now in the battle of their lives for the playoffs.
Led by 31 points from WR Edwards of Georgia, the Death somehow managed to
overcome the fast start of the Redhawks and win by 2 points. There again was
a mention of 2 points! Jeff did have some doubts about whether or not he was
going to win since the hawks still had the Washington QB'S while he had
Washington WR Williams still playing late Saturday night. Jeff's Oregon
defense even score a negative 5 points to keep this game close. After the
scores from the Washington game came in, Jeff won, scored in the Top 6 and
won the A division. The Redhawks scored 79 points a were awarded a Top 6
finish. Merv and the Stingrays scored 77 and got the 7th highest score. No
bonus point. The 2 points that Joppru would have earned would have given him
a tie with the Redhawks for the final Top 6 and a bonus point. He would have
beaten the Dragonfarts out of the final playoff spot with this one bonus
point.
In conclusion, The Stingrays
would have been in the playoffs if the Redhawks would have paid more
attention to their team or if information on injuries were given out. Sorry
Merv, but the Commish did everything he could to see that everybody pays
attention to what is going on in the world of college football. Merv's
season came down to 2 points! Here is a brief recap of other games:
REDHAWKS 79 @ CREEPING
DEATH 81
Congratulations to the Titans for
winning the A division. See above for recap.
STINGRAYS 77 @ TITANS 83
Who would have thought that any
team would ever put the perfect season together! WE ARE NOT WORTHY
JEFF!! Who can stop the Mighty Titans?
DRAGONFARTS 71 @ ALDOGGIES
60
A crucial game for both teams. A
win or a Top 6 finish for the Aldoggies and they win the A division. The
Dragonfarts needed at least a win to have a shot at the playoffs. The farts
prevailed an sent both teams into wildcard positions. The farts were led by
midseason pickup, USC QB'S, scoring 32. The Aldoggies may have suffered a
major blow with the injury to RB Clarett of Ohio State. Russ and Al know
from prior experience that you can't count this freshman phenom who returned
to the playing field one week after knee surgery. The Aldoggies were led by
27 points from the Kansas State defense. Both teams are strong enough to
make a serious run at the title. Good luck to both.
pansies 36 @ COSSACKS 92
The team banished to Siberia
scores 92 when they only needed 36 points with the half point for home field
advantage to beat the lowly pansies. Led by RB Benson of Texas with 25
points, the Vodka drinkers were toasting early and often as they knew that
this game was over before it started. The only bright spot for the pansies
was the fact that now they could return to their original name of the
Contributors! They managed to get the 11th highest score with another team
doing worse than them this week! Finally, the pansy torch has been passed.
Congratulations John!
maulers 29 @ COWS 86
Finally, the Cows catch a break
and don't have a team go off the board on them. These Cows turned into Bulls
and said enough is enough. Actually, they did have a team go off the board
on them. This time, it was a team going off the board in the other
direction! Lately, the Maulers have been getting mauled. This is not what
Coach Mike wants to see happen to his team at this point of the season.
Luckily for him, his players have done well enough early in the season to
have a bye in the first round of the playoffs. Maybe Coach Myers should get
his players motivated with a screening of, "Knute Rockne: All American".
The Cows still have holes in
their line up as they had two players getting goose eggs. I can only imagine
what could have been if Coach Driver's team had all his players scoring
every week at the same time. Sorry Mike, but the Maulers are now known as
the pansy of the week. McSwain is glad to finally rid himself of this
moniker, if only for a short time!
PRIDE 115 @ ELEPHANTS 70
The Pride assured themselves of a
wildcard entry with this slaughter of the now extinct Elephants. Damn, those
poachers have hurt the Commish's team all season! Led by 32 from WR Williams
of USC, the Pride had balanced scoring from top to bottom. They got another
49 from the Miami duo of RB McGahee and WR Johnson. If they should somehow
make it to the title game, these two players are going to be hard to
replace. Miami is off the week of the title game.
WACKY SEASONAL AWARDS FROM THE
COMMISH:
PANSY OF THE
YEAR: CONTRIBUTORS- Just look at the box scores!
COACHING BLUNDER OF THE YEAR:
ELEPHANTS- Played wrong Quarterback which cost Brady a victory over the
Titans and pretty much ended the Elephants season on Week #6
COMMUNIST TEAM OF THE
YEAR:-COSSACKS- Enough said, now off to Siberia!
GHOST OF THE YEAR:
REDHAWKS- Where are you guys when it comes time to confirm scores?
CINDERELLA: CREEPING DEATH-Just
when you thought that they were down and out..here they come again!
LOU HOLTZ " MY POOR TEAM " AWARD:
COWS- A quote from Coach Driver, " I can't believe how every team scores
over 100 on me. This is f*&%$#* ridiculous!
MOVE OF THE YEAR: ALDOGGIES- I
know that there were a lot of free agent moves that were great for teams
this year. However, none tops the one made by Coach Dotson. Bringing back
Coach Russ Shumake from Michigan was the best.
NICKNAME OF THE YEAR:
DRAGONFARTS- Who can top this one?
LUCKY TEAM OF THE YEAR:
PRIDE- Getting Marshall QB Leftwich with the third pick in the draft? What
could be more lucky than that.
WORST LUCK OF THE YEAR:
STINGRAYS- Do I need to explain week #9 all over again?
LIBRARIAN AWARD: MAULERS- Quiet,
but they somehow have found ways to win.
GOLIATH OF THE YEAR: TITANS- Went
where no team has been before with the complete perfect regular season.
LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, THE
SIMPLY WE DID NOT HAVE A CLUE AT THE DRAFT AWARD: WE HAVE A TIE: REDHAWKS
AND CONTRIBUTORS- A quote from Coach Alford of the Redhawks, " Diedrick is
the best running back in the country!" He has been benched by not only the
Redhawks, but by Nebraska Head Coach Frank Solich. The Contributors were led
astray by Frank Uhl III. I have not heard from him since the draft.
I want to wish all the
playoff teams luck in their quest for the title. For the Scrub Bowl teams,
there is always next year!
Tommy, the Commish
