The Cossack Report

WEEK #1

1) HITMEN 83 W                 9) MACHINE 61 L                 OFF-WEEK = SAN DIEGO

2) MANATEES 82 W          10) DEATH 55 L

3) WAPATI 75 W                 11) MAULERS 53 L

4) CONTRIB. 74 W             12) COSSACKS 52 W

5) DEMONS 73 L                13) COWS 50 L

6) BANDITS 70 W               14) FISH 46 46 W

7) BOMBERS 67 L              15) HUMMERS 46 L

8) DESTROYERS 62 W      16) LUCK 24 L

I GOT TO ADMIT; IT FELT REAL WEIRD WRITING THIS REPORT THIS WEEK . YOU ALL KNOW HOW MUCH THIS FANTASY LIFE CONSUMES MY LIFE AS WELL AS QUITE A FEW OF YOU. IT REALLY SHOWS HOW UNIMPORTANT SPORTS AND THESE FANTASY GAMES REALLY ARE IN THE BROADER SPECTRUM.

• AFTER CRYING THE BLUES FOR 2 DAYS ABOUT MY 50-52 LOSS TO THE COWS, THE UNEXPECTED HAPPENED!! DRIVER WAS THE LAST TO CALL IN HIS STATS AND WHEN HE CALLED THEM IN , MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, I MADE A MISTAKE. COLES HAD ONE RUSH AND PUT HIM INTO THE BONUS. THIS GAVE ME A TIE AND HOME FIELD WIN! NEEDLESS TO SAY, THAT CALL MADE MY DAY. EVEN THOUGH THE COSSACKS WON, HE IS NOT PLEASED WITH HIS TEAMS PERFORMANCE. COACH KARMAZYN HAS VOWED , HOWEVER TO MAKE THIS TEAM A RESPECTABLE UNIT THAT IN THE LONG RUN WILL BE RECKONED WITH. DRIVER, LOST , BUT WON. HE PICKED UP KENNISON LATE , AND NOW HAS A WR THAT SHOULD PUT UP HUGE NUMBERS.

• AS THE COUNTRY CONTINUES TO MORN THIS CATASTROPHIC EVENT, THE DEMONS ARE IN MORNING ON A MORE PERSONAL LEVEL. THEY LOST STAR WR MCCAFFREY FOR THE SEASON DUE TO A BROKEN LEG. EARLY SEASON PREDICTIONS HAD THE DEMONS TAKING IT ALL THIS YEAR. OBVIOUSLY THIS PREDICTION HAS TAKEN A TREMENDOUS BLOW. JAMES PICKED UP WHERE HE LEFT OFF LAST YEAR, WITH A 21. THE PROBLEM THIS WEEK WAS THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ALEXANDER AND DAYNE. IT LOOKS LIKE ALL THAT PASSARELLA NEEDED TO MAKE HIS TEAM COMPETITIVE WAS TO TAKE ON CO-OWNER PHIILIPS. WHO EXACTLY IS THE BRAINS OF THIS TEAM? THEY MADE SOME CRAFTY DRAFT DAY MOVES AND SHOULD HAVE A TEAM TO CONTEND WITH. THE HITMEN PREVAIL 83-73

• THE DEATH FINALLY GET THEIR OWN TEAM, BUT MAY WANT TO TRADE IT IN AND TRY AGAIN. IF HIS WR’S DON’T PICK IT UP A LITTLE , IT COULD BE A LONG YEAR. THE TEAM HAS POTENTIAL, SO DON’T WORRY JUST YET. AS USUAL, DOTSON LOOKS TO HAVE ANOTHER STRONG TEAM. WR BROWN (18)IN THE 3^RD WAS A STEAL, AND GETTING N.O. QB’S (18)AS LATE AS THEY DID COULD ALSO PROVE TO BE A STEAL. IF HARRISON WAKES UP, THIS TEAM IS SCARY. OH, BY THE WAY, THE BANDITS 70, DEATH 55

• SOMEONE TELL TYLER AND SANDERS THAT WE DIDN’T HAVE STRIPPERS THIS YEAR. YOU DON’T HAVE THAT BUILT IN EXCUSE FOR A BAD TEAM. WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE ANYHOW? THEY HAD 46 TOTAL, BUT 17 CAME FROM RB TOMLINSON. HEY MR. MOSS, YOU HAVE TO LET THE DEATH OF STINGER GO, AND PLAY SOME BALL. THE MANATEES ARE AS GIDDY AS A GRADE SCHOOL GIRL AT AN "N"SYNC CONCERT. 29 FROM GREEN , INCLUDING AN 83 YD. RUN PACED THE WAY FOR AN 82-46 WIN. COACH RATT HAS TO BE PRAYING THAT KENNISON CAN STEP UP AND NOT AFFECT HIS DENVER QB’S.

• THE MYERS TEAM IS OFF TO A SLOW START, 53 PTS. HE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT ALL KINDS OF TV’S , ALL HOOKED UP TO A SATELLITE. PLANS ON GETTING THE NFL SUNDAY TICKET. BUT, WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO WATCH THIS TEAM? 2 WR’S WITH 0’S, GEORGE WITH A 2. A LAST ROUND TE, AND I/2 OF GOOD FOOTBALL FROM HIS QB SAVED HIM FROM HAVING A TRULY BAD WEEK. THERE ARE THOSE IN THE LEAGUE THAT QUESTIONED S. SNYDERS PICK OF TAYLOR WITH THE 3^RD PICK. I KNOW I WAS ONE OF THEM . I WILL RESERVE JUDGMENT HOWEVER UNTIL LATER IN THE SEASON. STEVE DIDN’T NEED MUCH FROM TAYLOR THIS WEEK BECAUSE HE GOT 10 FROM AN OVER THE HILL TESTAVERDE, 10 FROM AN OVER THE HILL CARTER, AND 10 FROM A LATE ROUND TE. ONCE HE PUTS GADSON IN FOR WR TAYLOR OF BALT. THIS TEAM COULD LOOK PRETTY SOLID.

• -- WAYNE KUMPF COULD BE STURKENS LUCKY CHARM THIS YEAR. THERE WAS ONLY ONE TEAM THEY COULD HAVE PLAYED AND WON, GUESS WHAT? THAT’S WHO, THEY PLAYED. THE TRADE DOWN LOOKS GOOD SO FAR, THEY GOT 2 GOOD RUNNING BACKS, BUT THEY WILL HAVE TO HAVE MORE THAN THAT TO WIN ON A REGULAR BASIS. WELCOME TO THE PRO’S MR. ALFORD. I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF LEAGUE YOU PLAYED IN PREVIOUSLY, BUT YOUR IN THE PRO’S NOW. 24 PTS!!! NO ONE EVEN CLOSE. THE LUCK WILL NEED PLENTY TO MAKE THIS TEAM COMPETITIVE. HEY, AT LEAST YOU HAD A GOOD BASEBALL SEASON.

• WILL YOU LOOK AT THE WAPATI! THEY MADE THE BLUNDER OF THE DRAFT AND STILL COME AWAY WITH A GOOD TEAM. IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW HE MISSED A PICK , YOU WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO TELL. BUTCH , LIGHTEN UP AT THE DRAFT, YOU TOOK ALL THE JOKING WAY TO PERSONAL. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO KILL SOMEBODY. IF I LET ALL THE RIBBING PEOPLE GIVE ME GET TO ME, I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE LOONEY BIN A LONG TIME AGO. POOR FRANK, SOUNDS FAMILIAR DOESN’T IT. BENNETT LET HIM DOWN, AND HE WENT AGAINST THE HIGH SCORING WAPATI. TOO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, HE FINISHED NINTH, AND DIDN’T GET THE TOP 8 POINT.

• ODDS FOR NEXT WEEKS GAMES: PREVIOUS RECORD 3-5

          FAVORITE                      UNDERDOG
****
BANDITS -7                        AT MANATEES

CONTRIB. -5                    AT MACHINE

***
DESTROY. -4                    AT FISH

HITMEN -2                    COWS

**
DEMONS -8                    COSSACKS

AT WAPATI -6                BOMBERS

*
MAULERS -9                 LUCK

AT HUMMERS -1            DEATH

COACHING BLUNDER OF THE WEEK: LETS GO WITH BUTCH’S MULLIGAN IN THE 1^ST ROUND JUST FOR KICKS

*Please note....Ualfantasy.com is not responsible, nor necessarily agrees with the views an opinions of Commish Maze.